Thursday, December 9, 2010

Engaged to the dude upstairs

As I let the Melatonin and Valerian root take their course in my veins, I have a few minutes until I am in deep sleep without having to count some ugly a$$ sheep.
I have to admit, the last couple of weeks have been extremely eventful due to the fact that I have unlocked what life is like to have it be completely OUT of your control. Like in Proverbs, I am NOT leaning on my own understanding but letting it up to the dude upstairs to pave the road in front of me. I still have a bit of excess concrete on the side to pave my  OWN path but I am slowly but surely letting it dry out. Seeing my small group leader get baptized and hearing the stories of why people chose to let GOD into their lives is humbling and quite refreshing to see them renew their FAITH.
As I reflect on my OWN deductive reasoning to letting the dude into my life, I can't help but think about my life without him. I was SO much harder on myself before that step of acceptance and the pressure of having to be a certain way and make a certain amount of money and make the right group of people surround me and wear just that right shade of red on my lips to attract the opposite sex is now more and more irrelevant to being H-A-P-P-Y.
I still feel like I have to make a certain amount of money *especially here in NYC and be surrounded by JUST the right group of people and attract the opposite sex but the pressure is off and I am more concerned about making my existence be for the dude I am having a very intimate relationship with.(-GOD-) As my Auntie Sor Paz is getting ready to celebrate 50 years as a nun, I am preparing to have a lasting relationship with GOD as a civilian...NOT married to him like my auntie. If you had asked me a year and a half ago if I would accept Christ into my life, the answer would have been a resounding MAYBE but now it is an absolute HECK YEAH!
I feel a glaze coming over my brain and my eyes are getting heavier and heavier as the Valerian root and Melatonin make their way into my blood until the next musing. Bonne Nuit tout le monde!

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